Today I noticed something very good for me. Lately when I have been going to the bathroom I haven’t been thinking about it in a negative way. In fact I haven’t been thinking about it at all. This might sound like the smallest thing in the world, but for me it’s something slightly new.
At times when I have to use the bathroom, I say to myself at times “Ugh I have to empty my bag” or “Not again, already?”. It wouldn’t happen all the time, but sometimes I didn’t want to go to the bathroom and at times I didn’t want to look at my ostomy. It’s a constant reminder of my history and what I’m still going through at times. In no way is it s negative but it’s still not the norm for most people, and most people want to be as normal as possible.
Today though and for a few weeks now, I haven’t been thinking about it in that way. I just go, don’t even think about it and get back to whatever I’m doing. For whatever reason I’ve come to peace with what it is, that it’s a necessary part of my life and in no way should it upset me. This is just the way I have to use the bathroom.
Tonight I was thinking about why this change in attitude is. Maybe it’s because I’m so busy lately and don’t really have time to think about it? Maybe it’s because I have been feeling well so I haven’t been thinking about my Crohn’s? What I think it might be though is that I’m finally not looking at it as something different. It is the norm for me and I am embracing that part of my life.
I’m not sure if I can put a real finger on what this change in attitude is. I can think of a lot of other reasons why I haven’t been looking down in the bathroom and saying to myself “Damn” but for whatever reason, I’ve come to peace with it and it hasn’t bothered me in weeks. Which is a good thing.
Never Stay Quiet